The following is an ongoing reader-submitted series. His opinions are entirely his own.
1. About 3 months ago, Boy, a 23-year-old Thai who speaks reasonable English, came to dinner at the Spa. He was tired of working as a hotel receptionist. He considered becoming a massage therapist, hence his visit to the Spa. He was tall for a Thai, about 179cm, and physically robust.
2. As he joined the six of us, it was obvious that he was shy. I watched him as he related to the table. He would talk to the group but not look at anyone. He appeared a little stressed. His demeanour was strange.
The empath in me asked him if his father had abused him whilst he was growing up. He had.
3. As we settled into the meal his demeanour became clear. When spoken to, before responding, he would; look briefly at the person, then partly close his eyes, tilt his head forward, and rotate it to the right.
I had seen this behavior before. I asked him if his father had abused him as a young child. His response; “Yes, how do you know that?”
4. When studying paediatrics as a medical student, an abusive father brought his son to the hospital to assess his strange behaviour. As the child sat down, he looked briefly at his father then averted his eyes and moved his head in the same manner as Boy. In the UK, this behaviour was called Fixed Awareness, a developed systemic awareness. The abused child scans the room to locate the position of his assailant, in this case his father, then turns his head, in trepidation of his next beating. Child services removed the child from his father.
Boy endured the physical brutality and emotional terror of his father’s tyrannical psychopathy throughout his childhood and his adolescence. He was a damaged soul.
5. At the end of the meal, I approached Boy. I opened my arms and held him. He was clearly uncomfortable, leaning forward to prevent a full embrace. I withdrew and clipped the top of his head in jest. I asked him to hug me, which he did. I held him firmly with my left arm and placed my right hand on the nape of his neck. I whispered in his ear and repeated; ”you don’t need to be frightened anymore”, “you are safe now” and “None of this was your fault”. He became emotional.
6. He took me to my hotel on the back of his bike. As I dismounted, I patted him on his shoulder. After a few steps, I turned to thank him for the lift. I looked at him, his pupils fully dilated in the evening darkness. His eyes engaged with mine. He looked directly into my eyes and we stared at each other with a profound intensity for some 10 seconds, although it felt like 10 minutes. I could sense his damaged soul emerging from the depths of its suppression. I could see and feel his profound gratitude. It was a beautiful exchange. And not a word was spoken. He waved as he rode off.
7. Boy did not join the Spa to learn traditional Thai massage. He quit his job at the hotel, found himself a new boyfriend, and moved to Bangkok to find himself and enjoy the emergence of his real personality.
8. Never underestimate the power of human fellowship, kindness, and spiritual magnanimity. “It’s not always necessary to stop someone dying to save their life”.
